WASHINGTON – Andrea can’t recall her worst Thanksgiving. In the years before she went into a 12-step group to control her compulsive eating, her holidays were a blur.
She would eat normally when other people were around, then be “the last to go to bed so I could stay up and eat,” said Andrea who, like others interviewed for this article, asked to be identified by first name only.
“What I remember is sneaking into the kitchen without the floor boards creaking and waking someone up, then eating as little of as many things as possible, so people wouldn’t notice the next day,” she said. “My thoughts were all about food.”
Compulsive overeaters have another name for Thanksgiving: amateur night.
The national day of overdoing it begins a holiday season full of publicly encouraged excess and potential dangers for addicts of all stripes — food, alcohol or compulsive spending.
They will be flocking to marathon 12-step meetings and booking extra sessions with addiction specialists like Barbara McKenna, the director of Crossroads Centers, a drug and alcohol treatment program in Baltimore and Frederick.
“We do a lot of work from here on until after New Year, talking about traumatic events that could occur during the holidays,” she said. “Some people are very new; they may think, I can go out and drink. We give them alternatives.”
Finding alternatives is the name of the game for most addicts, whether they are dealing with family, holiday parties or the nonstop commercials urging them to buy more presents, more food and more alcohol.
“What normal people do to have a good time is death to us,” said Loretta, a recovering alcoholic.
Like Andrea, she said pre-sobriety Thanksgivings were a blur, spent either with family or by herself, trying to get through the afternoon until she could go out to a bar.
When she first got sober, Loretta spent her holidays going to “as many (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings as it would take. One day I’d make two or three, then one day, one . . . . it’s an increased need to be around people who understand how you perceive things.” This year, she plans to sleep late and take herself out for a nice meal instead.
Neal, a compulsive eater, will spend part of his Thanksgiving at a 12-step “marathon” — back-to-back Overeaters Anonymous meetings that go on all day. He recalls Thanksgivings, with his family and by himself, where he ate literally nonstop — “anything and everything” — from the football games through bedtime.
“At the time, I thought I was having a grand time and didn’t associate the pain of what I was doing with what was actually going on with me,” he said.
Now 150 pounds lighter, he said, he eats the same on Thanksgiving as he eats the other 364 days of the year. He does not eat sugar, and he scrupulously weighs and measures everything he eats, even using a portable scale in restaurants.
“I don’t get holidays. I’m not normal and I can’t celebrate like normal,” he said. “If it’s not on my food plan, it’s not on my food plan.”
Having a plan is key to holiday survival for Peggy, a compulsive spender. In her case, that means sticking to a predetermined budget and a carefully compiled Christmas shopping list.
Peggy says her moment of truth came five years ago, when after a holiday shopping spree, she found herself facing $5,000 in credit card debt — in addition to the $14,000 she already owed.
“All my spending, which was particularly aggravated during the holidays, was spontaneous, impulsive,” she said. “If I saw it, I just bought it without thinking where the money was coming from.”
Another 12-step program, Debtors Anonymous, helped Peggy get debt-free. This Christmas, she said, she has 16 people on her list, and 13 of them will be getting the exact same thing — a cool key-ring gadget she found at Brookstone.
For family members, Peggy is baking date strips, the cookies her mother used to make for the holidays.
“That means more to them,” she said.
And that, most addicts agree, is the payoff for getting out from under alcohol, food or compulsive spending: holidays with meaning, focused on people and self-care.
Andrea now eats no sugar or white flour, restrictions she knows some may find rigid, but she sees as “freeing.” She is spending Thanksgiving with family and friends and, she said, she won’t be the last one in bed.
“The holidays are about rest and giving love and receiving love from the people I’m with,” she said. “And about taking care of myself at the same time.”
-30- CNS 11-24-04